An Update... On Life and Other Stuff....

Soooo... quite a number of things happened since I last wrote.... here's some of them....

I had a vision at F's meditation last Thurs. I asked up there if he/she/it wants to say something to me at that point in time. 

In the vision, I was standing in a battlefield full of dead bodies. The sky was dark.. I think it was probably dusk. The sun was a ball of fire near the horizon. In the distance, I saw a big bright figure ... a being of light. Now, in my personal experience, "beings of light" aren't exactly benevolent or have the best interest of moi in their heart, so I picked a helmet off the ground (I was wearing some mixed chain/leather armour but missing a helm) and decided to walk towards it... wondering if I should be fighting it.....

When I got near, I saw that it was on a pedestal... and on this pedestal in front of it was G, my instructor. He was not fighting it, but he was standing in front of it, with his back towards the thing... like he was a representative or something.

Opposite from him across a patch of ground that looked like a chessboard, were his students standing in a line. I could see some of them... some very familar faces and others whose faces were hidden in shadow. But I know not everyone was there. 

Opting to let this vision go where it naturally would. I watched to see my own "reaction". I bypassed the chess field and passed away from them... going into the direction of the huge, orange sun. I eventually came to a mountain road. It was untrodden... there were no footprints or even animal tracks. It was a hard, stony road that led to craggy mountains and the sun was behind the mountains. I knew then that this was a road that no man had ever passed.

The vision ended at this juncture.

F and I later discussed it. I discovered the following things:

1. The being of light symbolized not an actual being... but was an allegory for "illumination"

2. G is somehow blocking the illumination... perhaps not through any conscious action on his part, but by just being there.

3. The bodies on the field were the bodies of his students... (yeah... quite stomache turning)

4. My karma and path doesn't lie with these people .... in the long run that is.

5. F doesn't know entirely what the being is supposed to illuminate for me.

Wolfy's interpretation was:

1. The illumination was likely about the situation with me, the society and G. And the answer is... no matter what karmic pattern the students and G are in... I am to not participate in said karma. It is really... "Not my business"....

2. My path lies beyond them. Perhaps I'm only there for the time being to er... learn certain things.


Well... this surely puts a different spin on things... I used to think that G (now being in my face) was the next person I have to face with regards to learning my karmic lessons.... the notion I had was that in order for this lesson to pass... I have to somehow "defeat" him.... However, I don't think that's actually necessary now... I think that "defeating him" is probably the pattern of one of the students.. but that person isn't me....

I think I'm only there to learn a few things from G. And I think that G, C (the other instuctor) and all the students are the group that will teach me things I need to know at this point... Each will have their own lesson, but it isn't about confrontation and defeating people... I think that will come to me in the future... as Wolfy said, "Your battlefield is another arena."

On a happy note... I have learned the value of my short neck....

I have always wanted a swan neck... just like F's.... but really... after the wrestling class the other day... I realise that a short and thick neck is better... why? Well.... because it is so much harder for someone to lock their hands behind ur neck and twist it to one side.... I mean... one of the students tried this on G and it didn't work. M also tried this on me.. and well... no it doesn't work either.... 

Yeah.. I realise at this point that both G and I have short and thick necks.... hooray for the short-necked people!!!! :D Wolfy also pointed out that people with "swan necks" also have a weaker spine....

I guess.... when up there made me, there really was a purpose in every single feature.

I had questioned F about the whole thing... I mean... IF I was built for fighting... then... shouldn't I be tall? Shouldn't I be lanky? I mean tall = longer reach... I always felt that fighters were generally long and lean... with nice muscles....

F had no answer at that time... but then again... F had no doubt either that I was built right.... I on the other hand wondered what was wrong with up there.... I guess up there is now answering my questions one by one.

Now, if only up there would explain why I have such small feet... :P One would have thought that the feet should be bigger... for better balance.... of course...

Come to think about it... I am starting to think that my current cosplay character (you all know who it is) shouldn't have been drawn long and lanky.... and altogether too thin.... I mean.. dammit... he should have been built .... like me :D It would make MORE SENSE.... after all... I'm practically learning the same martial art that he would have logically known....

Wolfy's comment to that was... "It's ART... not reality...."

Fact is, most guys at that time would probably have been my height.... they are only taller today because of better nutrition and according to F.... hormones... like all the stuff they jab chickens with.....

Well.. and ducks too.... I found out at a farm that real ducks are sooooo much smaller than the stuff we get in the hawker centre....:P


Anyways... I learned another thing today..... 

At the end of today's class... we were talking about stuff... people in the swordfighting community and so forth... and I mentioned that... I felt I was a giant coward... in that I lack "courage".

C remarked that he didn't feel I lack courage... in fact, I had it in spades....

Well.. that's er... new to me.....

Apparently.... the reason why the society has always had trouble with people joining because..... not everyone could take having a blade swing in their face....

I was like..... WOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!

Okay... confusion city here.....

Apparently.. there was this dude that came once... he was as tall as the tallest student there.... think 1.86m or about 6 feet plus.... and nicely muscled.... and he also decided after 10 mins that this was not his thing...

Why?

Simply this... he could not get past the tepidation of having some really large blade swing in his face.

This reminds me of Firefox.... I remember showing him some videos of people sparring with wooden swords... he turned away after like 30 seconds... 

Why?

He felt that the entire thing was "too violent" (his words). 

I was very confused... I mean... I initially thought he turned away because he was disappointed I could not find a credible video of people sparring with metal weapons. Apparently, he didn't wanna see the metal sword sparring cos he thought he might just er.... throw up?

Hmmmmmzzzzz... this sure puts a different spin on things....

C mentioned that Flower said the Art was about courage... and I guess Flower wasn't thinking of some high-flautin' concept... he just meant the ability to stand and face some dude coming at you really fast with a really really sharp crowbar....:P

Gee.... it really does sound very like Flower... no philosopher.. but a terribly practical man.

I guess I'm starting to understand why it took me this long to find the swordfighting people.... I just didn't have the necessary courage back 5 years ago... I guess it had to take a trip to nowheresville... away from my family...confronting my fear of spirits and the unknown... shivering like a coward in a small closet.. amongst other humilating things... to get me to this point...

I mean... after you have seen unexplained spiritual things flying towards you with rows of sharp teeth posed ready to strike... I can't imagine what else you can be that afraid of....:P

So er... if I already do have the Courage needed... then why the fuck do I feel that the lesson/lessons aren't complete????