"So what's the big deal with who you were before?"
A close friend of mine in the local New Age scene once asked me a variation of this question. She is of the view that one of the few reasons for digging up past lives is to learn lessons from it so that we can overcome the unwanted patterns we have entrenched ourselves in and find solutions for the mistakes we keep making. Other than that, there is no real reason for digging up the memories of so many lifetimes.
I do see the point of the futility in digging up information about so many lifetimes if one doesn't learn anything useful from them. Very often I see people going to "psychics" who do past life regressions or readings and get interesting information about their "past lives". At one point in my journey, I also went for a past life reading, actually, the only one I have ever had "professionally done" so to speak. It wasn't really very insightful... According to the reader, round about 100 to 200 years ago, I was a mini Mongolian chieftan with 2 wives living the normadic life.
Although during the reading, it SEEMED as though that lifetime was something I might have gone though, I felt after some introspection that it didn't sound like something I would actually do. I mean, yeesh... as a person, I do not actually fancy living in a tent, drinking horse milk, eating meat and dairy products like 80% of the time. I am a pretty sedentary person. I say I like the outdoors, but I really mean that I like it OCCASIONALLY... I don't particularly love horses and I don't think I can handle 2 women under the same roof who are also married to me. :P The whole strong, independant, MCP barbarian-nomad thing is great when I am watching a Conan flick, but THAT is not something I'd enjoy being. :(
Since then, I have heard plenty of probable past lives I could have led from well meaning readers. Most of the description I got for my "past lives" were pretty vague and so general, they could have fitted anyone. I did learn one thing from all those readings, if it doesn't sound like me and I don't really have a strong feeling about it, it probably wasn't me at all.
After awhile, It did seem my friend was right, in that, if there were no lessons to learn, there was no need to dig into who I was or could have been... after all, that would be a sheer waste of time.
Yet, I can't help but WANT to find out more about who I was. I don't really fully understand why I want to know, just like I can't understand why people would spend tons of dollars to find out who they were. Perhaps, just like everyone else, I have a secret desire to hear some reader tell me that I was Julius Ceasar or something great... heh. (And I have a comment here I'd like to make about a certain bias I have seen in past lives, but I'll leave it till later...)
After awhile, I reckoned if it was not possible for me to get good information from readers about past lives, I'd go do my own past life regression. A result of that was that I went from one method of regression to another, astral travelling to the akashic records and many other things. Since I am a mostly self-taught practitioner, there was a point where I got a little confused as to which past life was actually mine. Apparently, ability to access the akashic records doesn't mean you can tell which records are yours :P
All this did sort of lead me to understand why so many readers tend to give descriptions of past lives that are either vague or don't make much sense. Intuition is great, but without analysis, it is as good as a load of bunk. After that, I had the good fortune to learn some pretty useful methods of divination, which I still use today as a guide in living and for analysis of information. (Hey, if the techniques don't work it real life, why should I use it to seek insight on spiritual matters)
Eventually I figured out a bit of who I was... and apparently, despite quite a few readers telling me that I am a very loving... but strong individual who er... "came back this time to assist in the evolution of man/saving the planet...etc... you name it"... I knew deep down inside that I'm NOT that person. Heck, "loving" is not a word my own close friends would use to describe me.
Actually, I was a criminal in at least two distinct lifetimes. It was mostly stuff like banditry, piracy, housebreaking... that sort of thing. Life was hard back in those times for common folk and I guess I wasn't content sitting around as someone's serf. It is no surprise that as a result of that I have met more than my fair share of petty crooks in this lifetime :P In fact I spent most of last year sitting around inside a government office finding enough evidence to put some jerk behind bars... and he isn't even the only guy I have done this to in the last like...5 years of my life. Yeah, another stupid ass is somewhere in Geneva now and I am wondering how to get him to come back and sit behind bars.
It's pretty funny now I think about it. None of the readers who told me about my past lives ever said anything about me being a criminal. At first they would say stuff like the Mongolian chieftan reading I first went to. Later, I met readers who said I was an "old soul" and I was here to "assist mankind"... rigggghhhhhttttt... one reader even said I was a witch burnt at the stake, probably because she saw I had an odd burn-like birthmark on my arm.
Seriously, although I may not always have been a very successful criminal, I don't think I'm stupid enough to get caught and burnt at the stake for something like "witchcraft"... in the first place, I don't think I knew many "witches" who lived in the "old ways" ... In the second, honestly, the practice of something like traditional "witchcraft" doesn't appeal to me at all... not even in this lifetime. (No I don't like dancing naked under the light of the moon or covered in skins... yeesh... and dancing... well, that's NOT something I do well, I also don't do well with drumming... and "getting in touch with your emotional side / natural man / animal nature... is NOT something that appeals to me :P)
Now something high-falutin' sounding like "alchemy" or "ceremonial magic" or "theurgy" might catch my attention. And no, I don't think that my taste has changed just because I am in another lifetime.
I am also a little surprised that no one said I was a judge or detective in my past life. I would have thought those would be natural career choices, since I seem to attract lots of criminal-types in my life experience. A friend once commented that it was a sign from the higher powers that I might do well in the profession of catching crooks... :P He had no idea how right he was... and by the way, he is not a psychic, but a very devout follower of one of the major religions.
Well, about 3 years ago, I was given an insight into a particular past life through a vision of sorts...
In this vision, I saw myself in a European setting, like a town or village. There were half-timbered houses like in Germany, so I initially thought I was in a medieval verson of Germany, having been there myself in this lifetime. However, there was something that was in the back of my mind, telling me that the scene was in France, perhaps in the South, where Marseilles is.
The scene quickly shifted to the doorway of what I thought was some kind of convent run by nuns. The nuns were dressed in dark habits and out of the doorway ran this pretty young girl with a nice face, dark wavy hair and er... large breasts... yes, I did notice that. (I guess some preferences don't change...) Well, for some strange reason, the girl got into trouble and ended up in a dungeon or prison of sorts. She was in chains and I saw a table where 2 priests were interrogating her or something. There was only two of them, one was doing the talking and the other was either sitting at the table taking down what the lady said or he was praying or something... I wasn't sure what it was.
Well, from there the scene shifted into something a little more surreal, like a movie. It was pretty clear from the scene that one of the priests liked the woman and approached her alone. Later this same person spirited her away and had some kind of affair with her. At this point, the scenes became less and less realistic... I became aware of how both the priest and the woman felt about the whole situation and each other. The images became more symbolic. The woman seemed to like the priest, but she also felt that he was somehow responsible for her "fall" into being branded a witch or heretic. However, she felt on some level she was also innocent... and that she was merely led astray... There was even a scene where I followed behind her as she ran downwards in a spiral of stairs to where she saw the same man doing some kind of magic or devil worship. The underground lair was completely unreal at this point and the only reason I knew that she thought he was worshipping the devil was because hanging in the air was a giant sized "The Devil" card from the tarot's major arcana.
The man however, didn't seem to pay as much attention to the woman. I think he desired her, but he also felt that she was ignorant and quite a silly country girl who could not survive without his protection. In fact, for an alleged "devil worshipper" he didn't seem to regard the devil with too much reverence. He was more interested in the fantastic... stuff about magic and alchemy... and other marvels...
To cut a very long dream short, I woke up after that thinking I might be the woman in the dream... After all, I did have a few psychics telling me I was burnt at the stake. However, in my dream, the woman did not die from being burnt, she did get mixed up with some pretty stupid people, but she was not burnt.
After walking around thinking I might have been burnt as a witch for a few months, I realised I didn't share any of the animosity some members of the wiccan community seem to have against the church. I decided to do a bit of analysis and divination. As it turned out in the end, I realised I was not the woman, I was the priest. Yeah, I should have known it when I saw the woman and looked down at her boobs... some things really don't change.
This particular incident really taught me a few things about not making assumptions. I mean, if I were to think about it logically, I have more in common with the clergy than with the woman or with the women who were condemned to the stake as witches. I have since then had visions of latin phrases and more European monks...:P
So, was this vision a real past life, or was it something that I just dreamed up after seeing too many medieval themed shows? As it turns out, this particular vision is of a lifetime that is real. Sometime this year, I decided to put the historical pieces together. Using what I remember of the attire worn by the people in the dream and details of the case, I did some research and narrowed it down to a particular incident in France which apparently fit the vision almost to a "T".
I think if I ever needed proof that past lives are a reality, this particular one really has done it for me. It has also shown me that really, who we are today isn't too different from who we were back then. I mean, I still have the same patterns in that life as I do in this. I can empathise with how the priest felt because at one point in my life, I did run around with the crowd that felt it was right to stone people who practice any form of magic or the occult.
So NO, I was NEVER burnt at the stake... I was probably the guy who burnt some people... I am likely not here for the good of all mankind... probably just to save myself from my own stupid mistakes...
...
You know something, you'd think that knowing I was some stupid bastard who sent people to their deaths, I'd feel some kind of remorse or something... the fact is, I don't feel any remorse at all! Not even a bit. Now, I do feel a great deal of sadness that I have lost the lady in my vision... AGAIN in this lifetime... (yeah I DID know her in this lifetime... and yes, she did look quite the same...) but that's it.
I think I feel a strong sense of "Yes, this is right... I am on the right track... I now know who I am and what I am capable of..." I... I don't know, I think I'm deriving some kind of ... strength? from that... Perhaps, it is something that shores up my lack of faith. It's funny you know, I used to have great faith in my life, but since I "woke up" so to speak to the reality I am living now, I have very little faith in anything people accord divinity to and also in the people around me.
But I guess, that's probably something to talk about for another time. :(
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