Whose Shoes Am I Wearing This Week?

Mid August to around mid October is officially one of my major "bumming" periods. Business is slow and my official "job" is quite literally non-existant. I usually use this period to travel around for the purposes of "business"... but hey, I'm not kidding myself, most of that travel consists of more bumming around and a half-focused search for spirituality and the supernatural.

My travels around also allow me to be who I am without pretending to be someone else... something which I do a lot of in Singapore. It also allows me to go to places where people still believe in magic and spirits... something I really miss. One of the greatest grouses I have with life today is that I have not worked officially as a magician in the established order (eg. government, religion... etc... you get the idea) for like 3000+ years... (that is as near as I can figure)... People in general just don't profess belief in the paranormal as they used to. Especially in the power of magic. Sure, there is still strong belief of ghosts and spirits in Singapore, but few normal people are willing to pay for magical help. And I can understand why... magic has seriously become so diluted in modern society these days that its real power is seldom seen any more.

So it's pretty refreshing for me to go to a place where people still believe that individuals... (not necessarily in the established religion) can do stuff like make everyone in the house fall asleep through chanting some spell... or become invisible...

Back to the main topic at hand...

This particular bumming period has been a pretty strange one for me. It is caused mostly by the stuff that I am currently practicing... I've been walking around in different shoes almost every two weeks or so...

What do I mean by this? Well, imagine this... sometime in the beginning of August, I start off feeling like a young person again... a dumb teenager... I start smelling the scent of romance in the air and I almost get to the point where I believe in true love and crazy stuff along that vein. This lasts for about 1 - 2 weeks and then I start feeling a sense of real agression coming along... I get super competitive, even when having a game with my friends and want to beat up just about everyone I see.

I also get weird past-life related flashbacks ... first about being in love... and then about being a soldier, going to war, killing people and stuff...

After quite a few weeks of that, I start thinking about how to get away with doing bad stuff and even start getting emotional about the religious setting. Yeah, I spent quite a few weeks walking around with scenes of my past life as a priest in my head. Heck, I even gave a full historical-doctrinal lecture to my friend's boyfriend who asked me about some religious stuff...:P I think I might have er.... turned him off a bit with my tone, because at one point I think I sounded a wee bit like a fanatic.... (okay well, I was pretty loud and gesturing with my hands .... sigh)

He doesn't approach me to talk after that...:( I could just be overly-sensitive .... so I think I'll sit him down for a chat to see if he is actually avoiding me.

I can't believe that after so many years, I still remember all the stuff that I was brought up with. :( Okay, I guess it isn't a bad thing because at least it gives me some kind of background knowledge.

Now I'm just not feeling that emotional charge I have over the religious setting... the only thing I can think about is a memory where I am looking down at a plate of half-eaten dinner thinking, "Man, nuns can't cook" and "Boy, do I HATE beans"

I'm actually not too sure what I am feeling at present. It's a blank to me... I feel a lot calmer and just a bit depressed. Okay, it COULD be that I'm going back to "work" in like 2 days, but this feeling is a bit strange.

It's been a pretty strange ride this season.... love-crazed teenager one day, bloodthirsty warrior the next, furtive criminal and fanatic priest....

So, who will I be tomorrow? Hopefully I don't say anything too insane to the folks at work. :(