Just HOW Do These Guys Manage To Find Me?

Life has been a little strange these past few weeks. Not only have a caught the flu... again... I find out that well, its all related to me doing the stuff that I'm supposed to do. Apparently, if I do what I'm supposed to do (It's all related to why I incarnated this time around...) I'll be okay. If I don't, well, I'll keep getting sick. I guess it is some kind of ploy by certain supernatural powers to ensure that I do what I am supposed to do... haiz!

Anyways, I have been pretty "good" in that I HAVE been doing spiritual stuff and keeping up with my meditations and all that... funny thing is, all these people have started showing up at my doorstep. I mean, it doesn't matter if I'm in a crowd, they tend to make a beeline towards me and then ask me some question or make some comment which... ironically... (You can see me doing the -_- here) is directly related to some conflict I am facing.:(

I'm not too surprised ... (see my expression... -_-) that lots of wannabe magic practitioners have also started showing up. And some of them come with some pretty big credentials. Now, I'm sure that consciously, they are generally well-meaning individuals... but certainly, they should not be in the magical, or psychic or even holistic field. Sometimes, when I am approached by an individual like that, I do have a small hope that somehow, they would be the kind of magician / wizard I am looking for. Well, fact of the matter is that for the most part, their understanding of magic is clumsy and often a repetition of some writer or the other. It is clear at least to me that they have not themselves internalized the information that they claim to have.

Often they try to make simple things sound big, mysterious and difficult. I'm pretty disappointed when I see that... really... It just tells me that the individual in question is ill suited for this field...

Now, quite a lot of people feel that I'm somehow pretty judgmental and that I'm wrong in my beliefs about magical or psychic ability. However, experience has shown me that, my own stand on magic and psychic abilities are true.

I very inquisitive young man once asked me about my beliefs. I told him simply that there is no way to "teach" someone how to be psychic and that magic is not for everyone. That is why I offer no classes that show people how to "open their third eye" for instance. He remarked that my own beliefs ran contrary to what 90% of the world believes. I said, that its not MY belief that runs contrary to 90% of the world... it just runs contrary to 90% of the people who are in the new age community.

In traditional belief systems, it is the spirits that choose the one they want, and NOT the other way around... Heck, a few good occult writers even acknowledge that. I believe that one cannot decide to become a wizard, a shaman or a sorceror, if one is not created for that function. I did not set out on this path to be someone who does magic. I set out on this path to find my own strength and peace with myself. I had said before to a young person who REALLY REALLY WANTED to have some magical or psychic power... "If I find out at the end of the day that I'm really created to be goatherd-12345, then well, so be it..."

Usually, these wannabes don't really like to hear me say that... they seem very very disappointed.

A certain new age practitioner once said to me when I was first starting out... "Don't concentrate on wanting to open the third eye or have psychic abilities... concentrate on making yourself whole and balanced and all things that are right will come to you..."

Now, I don't really agree with him regarding what he practices, but that one phrase from him sure made a whole lot of sense.

Seriously... if only people knew the trouble that comes into my life, they won't want anything to do with magic. I once met one who was wizard-born... the individual wisely said to me that he wasn't sure he SHOULD be doing this whole magic thing... because he knew that if he started down the path... it was a one-way-ticket out of respectability and big time wealth...

How is it that only those who are born into this can see the truth behind this whole magic business? I guess it might be the wisdom of hindsight.... in that, having lived so many lives as a wizard they understand what its like.

Well, back to the wannabes... I'm not sure how these wannabes manage to find me... but I'm sure it all has something to do with a particular past life incident in which I am involved in. I have NEVER LIKED charlatans... never... and I do get very very annoyed when people seem so attracted by "psychics" who say such nice, reassuring things and don't make a serious attempt to answer their questions in a practical and logical way... try to direct them to do something concrete that will really change their life.

I'm sorry, but for the majority of the people out there... solving problems does not have anything to do with fluffy notions about how some angel or spirit guide will "save" them from themselves... or how surrounding themselves with "love and light" will somehow lift them from their own mistakes... Often it takes self realisation and a will to want to change, day by day and remake their lives through serious effort.

My woofy friend did once say to me that people go to "psychics" not for the truth, but for affirmation or just to have someone say "everything is OK!"... Heck, I think they might as well pay a psychologist or therapist to do the same thing...

I suddenly am struck by Marx's comment about religion... I never did want him to be right, but it seems to me that he is. (ie. "Religion is the opium of the masses" - quoth Karl)

I guess in part my anger against the charlatan is also because of my own anger at the fact that magic has so little visible power today. I know deep down inside that magic is so much more than what people in the new age field, "witches" and practicing "magicians" say it is... But the problem is, I just don't see it and despite my best efforts at being honest with those I meet... it seems my honestly is not repaid...

Few... very very few who have ever gone through a reading with me have ever decided to come back for another. Sometimes it seems the the only people who have walked away from my readings feeling positive about it are those born to do magic... however, its not like they need a reading from me... heck... its more like a courtesy call from one magic practitioner to another...:(

Its like no one really wants to know the truth these days... my woofy friend remarked that few people really want to know the truth... it is true... sometimes I wonder why bother with truth? It does seem so much easier to be a charlatan.

Never Forget Who You Are...

Had some free time today, went out and watched Singapore's first Cannes nomination "My Magic". I don't usually watch local movie productions, but I have always liked watching stage magicians, even though plenty of them make it their lives' work to debunk psychics and anything supernatural. I guess they do a lot of great work making sure people don't get conned by fake psychics or people who think they are psychic.

The other reason for my interest is that I feel a great deal of empathy for the main character in the movie. I have never been a chronic alcoholic, but I know what its like living at the bottom of the barrel, just surviving from day to day, nothing to look foraward to.

I think I was already dead inside, even before I lost my job to retrenchment the first time. Somewhere at the back of my mind, deep inside my own subconscious, I knew who I was but I never took action, I can't understand why I was so willing to pretend to be something I was not for such a long time. Was it the salary? The stability? Was it the respect? Certainly the salary was nothing to crow about and I didn't get enough of the other two as well. So what was it? I have no answer till this day.

The great tragedy of the modern age is that, with the continuous rush of things, the rat race and the anonimity of urban life, most people rush from birth to school to work to marriage and kids without stopping to think much about the direction of their lives. Soon everything is over, and if you don't believe in reincarnation, it will be time to account for the way you have lived your life. And the sad thing is that people can pass through life in today's world without so much as an insight on who they really are.

I think when we are children, we have an idea of who we are. Certainly, I did. If anyone asked me what I was, I would say I was a wizard. But then the world comes rushing in and you find yourself bombarded by opinions that make you feel as if what you are is too insignificant, too silly, too impossible to be true. Instead of fighting back, I decided to try and blend in with the rest and enter the Singaporean race for cash, credit cards and unchanging stability. In short, I wore a mask and became unhappy wearing it, but I guess I was too afraid to take it off. After awhile, wearing that mask too long, you really forget who you are. :P

In essence, I lost MY MAGIC... I lost touch of who I really am. In retrospect, being one of the jobless for as long as I had been really made me question what things were important to me. It also made me take radical steps in trying to find solutions in my life. I mean, seriously, after trying and trying for years to gain back some sanity, a steady income, respectability ... and a precious job... I said one day, "To heck with the normal methods! If I can't get my life straight doing normal people stuff, why not embrace the abnormal... or even the supernatural!"

Am I happier today just being who I really am? Sure. Have I found the sanity and respectability I craved? In an odd way... certainly. Am I still a bum who only works about 50% of the time? Yeah I sure am... and no, I am not an undischarged bankrupt and my neighbours have no idea what it is I do for a living. One lady thought I sold vitamins!

You know, I used to read Hellblazer and shudder at the thought that one day I might end up like John Constantine... It's a funny thing how Fate sort of makes life imitate art... minus the chain smoking, drinking and constant trafficking with demons.

Are You Afraid of Magic?

Woke up today with a heavy head after running around all night in dreamland in some crazy cop-drama where I was some pee wee investigator in a case with a serial killer and loads of ritualistically killed victims in a very dilapidated house or apartment. The actual physics of objects in dreams are sometimes hard to perceive and what appears to be a house on the exterior sometimes has a completely different interior with different dimensions. I think last night's house of horrors was some kind of urban apartment.

I frequently have dreams with corpses, supernatural stuff and unusual things so I don't consider last night's trip an actual nightmare. I haven't had a real nightmare in years where I felt the element of fear upon waking. What does worry me on occasion are the visions I sometimes have about local wandering spirits. Most of them are really just passing by, but sometimes, I do see spirits that do pose a threat on a certain level. However, as the age old Chinese saying goes:

"You don't mess with them (ghosts/spirits), they don't mess with you."

Another valuable nugget of folk insight is the axiom:

"Ghosts/spirits are the greatest liars."

These "grandmother sayings" really are gems of good old folk wisdom and certainly went a long way in saving me from loads of heartache, trouble and wasted time. Sometimes I feel that as an Asian we are sitting on one of the greatest treasure troves of ancient wisdom... no need to go seeking wisdom from celtic, nordic or other "pagan" sources. I see loads of pagans whenever I walk past the Kwan Yin temple at Bugis.

Ha ha ha... I guess the exercise of blogging does help the mind to work out solutions to problems. Here I am wanting to meet actual wiccans, pagans and ceremonial magicians and I am sitting on an island with the greatest number of belief systems that are crammed into a very small piece of land. Unfortunately, despite the great number of "heathens" and even members of monotheistic religions who believe in the supernatural world... (Hey, why do you think the "True Singaporean Ghost Stories" series tops the book sale lists every year?) most of them tend to shy away whenever you mention anything that smacks of the occult or magic. You'd think that with so many mainstream religions promoting the belief in wonders, miracles, spirits and gods, they'd find something like magic entirely acceptable.

I guess in the end, the idea of the ordinary person engaged in doing something magical is only acceptable in the newer belief systems of Wicca, modern Paganism and Ceremonial Magic... Despite what many Wiccans and Pagans and even ceremonial magicians might say, MOST of the rituals and practices are modern creations. That's right, there is very little historical evidence of modern practices being linked to some ancient tradition. Heck, when McGregor Mathers started the whole Golden Dawn thing, he quite literally forged a letter from a member of a mythical organisation giving him the authority to start a new magic order. And lets not forget, Aleister Crowley started out as a Golden Dawner... he learned his stuff from them and later channelled (such a modern phenomenon) additional information from his Holy Guardian Angel, a spirit he called Awaiss...

AND... guess who went to Aleister in the Great Beast's twilight years for ideas on starting a new religion... that's right, Gerald Gardner, founder of modern wicca. As far as my own reading into the history goes, that's how everything came about... in a very summarized fashion.

I remember reading a book from the National Library that analyzes the evidence uncovered at an ancient drudic ritual. Apparently, they found a pretty well preserved body of a human sacrifice at a peat bog in Britan. It was a sacrifice made near the end of the Roman invasion of Britan. Now, according to the historian, such sacrifice of a human being was rare because usually only animals were offered up. The person in question who was offered up was actually a young druid, judging from the evidence found on the body. Why? Quite simply the ancient tirbesmen were desperate to stop the invasion and it seemed their gods had abandoned them so they gave up the ultimate gift they could offer.

Now, the book does detail some actual ancient celtic practices. Apparently certain gods only accepted sacrifices that were killed in a specific way. For instance, strangulation of the sacrifice using a loop of string and a stick. (I'll spare you the gory details. Go figure out yourself how it was done... :P ) Now if a person really wanted to follow traditional celtic pagan spirituality, I'd think an archeological text would be an excellent guide. However, notice that most people who are into "celtic spirituality" today don't actually practice the same thing... Now, I don't think the celtic gods have changed much over the centuries... so why do you think there is a discrepancy in the practice? ;)

But I digress... back to magic. I have noticed that if you start talking about magic, most people will initially laugh and say they don't believe in it. Then IF you go on into more occult topics, they will sort of start to feel uncomfortable. For unbelievers, they sure do exhibit a great deal of belief in the power of magic to upset their rational lives.

Why are people afraid of the whole notion of magic? I used to puzzle over this question, because local people seem to be okay with the notion of wonders happening in the context of religion. Take for instance the local "tang ki" or spirit medium piercing himself with skewers or sitting on a chair of nails. He has done a wonder through the power of the spirit or god possessing him and this is what the worshippers expect. They accept this wonder and do not feel that it threatens them, despite the fact that the "tang ki" has done an act that fulfills all the traditional definitions of an occult act.

Perhaps the verneer of religion helps to make the idea of magic easier to swallow. Perhaps the idea that a person could also command the same powers without imploring the assistance of a god is just too much for the mind of the Everyman. That would mean that that same magician could do harm to anyone without seeking the approval from the divine powers that be. In case you are wondering if magic without gods is possible, just think of the countless times you have heard about bomohs cursing this person or that person, or dominating the mind of some poor innocent girl... brrr... heh

Okay, so the bomohs sometimes do call on "bad" spirits for help and people call what they do black magic. But still, think about it. IF magic without the trappings of religion is so bad why do the gods still allow it to happen eh? Why not get rid of all the "bad" spirits and thus eliminate the problem altogether? And then there're practitioners out there who don't make use of gods or demons at all to cast their spells, how do you explain their existance? The keys of Solomon are after all used in summoning and compelling spirits, demons AND angels I might add. HOW ON EARTH do you explain that?

It all really boils down to the notion that people get afraid when someone, a normal human being like them has certain powers that cannot be explained or controlled by them. They are however okay with the fact that the gods have powers. I sometimes think that the rituals of religion give the worshipper a mechanism of control. Say prayers and offer stuff to the gods and your requests will be answered, or the gods will be appeased. If anything bad happens, you either offer more stuff and hope that your luck changes or you lose faith and switch to new gods.

Control, I think, is the main reason behind this fear of magic.

If that is the case, ask yourself why it is that whatever powers that created the universe allowed the notion of magic to exist. Why not have lots and lots of priests and devout men and be done with it? Why not allow wonderworking to only be the province of the gods?

I think that the one original being who created everything... (yes, I do believe in that one original creator who made everything)... is not a big control freak. I think that he (No offense to the goddess worshipers, I'm merely using "he" for convienence) allowed the concept of magic because in the long run, the power of magic to alter reality will allow the creation of diversity in experience and put responsiblity for problem solving in the hands of beings like you and I. Now I'm not saying I know the mind of the creator, it is merely a theory I am proposing.

Hmmmm... I guess not many people like the idea of taking responsibility as well. After all it is easier to pray to the gods for solutions and blame them as well if everything goes wrong... "It's not MY fault!", "I can't control what is happening!", "I have NO CHOICE!" ... heh... humans...

Magicians and more magicians...

Usually I only stick to a single post a day, but after reading the following article, I thought I'd post up another entry:

Article: Batman Blaine back on his feet after 60-hour ordeal
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20080925/ten-us-entertainment-people-stunt-blaine-1dc2b55.html

I enjoy watching stage magicians and the crowds that are viewing them because of the wonder that is created. I think it's pretty important to show the amazement that registers in the faces of the audience as well as the actual illusion itself. In a way, it reminds us of how important it is to maintain a sense of wonder and a belief in things that transcend the reality conventional science has defined for us.

I remember a 17 year old girl who said to me in steadfast confidence that she believed in mermaids. That rare moment of innocence and faith continues to stand out for me like a rare jewel. There is so little of that today.

About Blaine...

I remember that when he first came out, I rather enjoyed watching David Blaine's tricks. However in recent years, I sometimes wonder what purpose he hopes to accomplish by performing stunts like hanging upside down. I mean the message he is trying to convey through his stunts doesn't really come across clearly even in the televised specials covering the event.

Is he trying to show that his magic can overcome physical limitations? Or that we understand so little about the human body and that human beings in general are capable of "impossible" feats. If it is the latter, then I think the scandinavian guy featured on Discovery Channel who runs marathorn-length distances in the freezing winter on his bare feet without ever suffering any ill effects or frostbite has done a much better job of showing the world what humans are truly capable of.

And what's more, he did not hang upright for all of the 60 hours. If he did, I would think that would be something to crow about.

Well, I stopped watching Blaine after he got into doing his big stunts and less of his street magic. Seriously, I enjoyed watching the street magic part more than waiting to see if he was going to catch a cold from standing in a block of ice. Maybe it would have piqued my interest if he also announced that he was going to do some of that Tibetian Tummo stuff to help raise his kundalini and survive the biting cold.

These days I try to catch Criss Angel instead when I have time. I like his goth-mystical bad boy look and I cannot figure out how he did that whole walking on the wall thing on a Las Vegas hotel. Now THAT is a good solid chunk of wonder :D

Singaporean... Born and Bred

"So are you really Singaporean?"

I have been asked that question quite a lot of times. I sometimes wonder why it even pops up. I dress like most adult Singaporeans - non-descript office wear. I take the bus and MRT and even swear in a blend of Hokkien-Singlish.

So I get really confused whenever that question pops up and I offer to show my pink IC as proof.

And no... I have never been overseas for an extended period for the purposes of getting a piece of paper that says I am now eligible for some types of white-collar jobs. Like about 70% of my fellow-countrymen, I have spent at least 10 years in that school system that critics say kill off any semblence of independence and creative thought.

The only possible difference I can identify between myself and the ubiquitous shirted guy who walks down Shenton Way wondering if he will get his bonus or not, is that I practice magic and actively pursue the knowledge of Hermes Trismegistus. However, I don't see how it's possible for anyone to figure THAT out since I don't walk around wearing a large, visible medallion with a caduceus engraved on it.

And that's the whole problem with being in Singapore. If there are any practitioners or believers of magic in this country, they are harder to find than a needle in the... well you know what I mean. From what I understand, most people who engage in some kind of occult practice are not willing to admit that they are doing it. (I can understand why the element of "shyness" exists) So, I decided to start this blog hoping that I'll be able to meet like minded individuals. But if that doesn't happen, at least it can function as a space for me to air my views. I mean, being a magus in this country is a pretty lonely thing... sigh